Desperately Seeking Hot Dog – "preferably of the cheap and nasty variety"


I should have known better, and I did know better, but that did not stop me pretending to believe that I could get a nice hot dog from a random kiosk in the UK.  I was strolling along the banks of the River Trent and feeling quite good that I had chosen my lunch hour to get some brisk exercise and fresh air, so I thought “OK so we know that kiosk over there is probably going to have nothing to eat in the gourmet department, but it will probably have some really cheap nasty fast food that when smothered with ketchup or mustard will taste great as you eat it, even if it gives you indigestion for the rest of the afternoon”. I had convinced myself and conned my brain which had a mildly romantic remembrance of such cheap eats from years gone by.


This Kiosk, “The Trent Bridge Kiosk” has been situated down on the banks of Trent by Trent Bridge for as long as I can remember. I am not sure what it has always been called, but it has seen the pub alongside change names from “Town Arms” to “The Avairy” to the “Casa”and now “The Riverside”. Over the years the kiosk has fed the good people of Nottingham on their way to see Notts County FC, Nottingham Forest FC, and Nottinghamshire Cricket club, as well as many summer revellers on the bankside. I suspect that the food on offer has not changed much either in that time.


The Menu choices were of no surprise, although I was disapointed that despite a nice chalk board drawing of a child requesting a “frankfurter” that was not on the board. I expected that the chalk picture of the owner glaring at the kid and asking “is that on the board? no it isn’t so why did you ask?” was on the reverse side, probably expleted in much more colurful language. For the record I didn’t ask for a Frankfurter, although I was tempted, instead I gulped, took a brief nod to the Gods and asked for a Hot Dog with onions.

In the end this hot dog was not quite as bad as I had conditioned my mind to expect. Having said that I doubt there will be many people jelaous that I was able to get such a delightful lunch here in the UK. But where are the onions? I hear a savvy reader ask. Well they are tucked away insdie the bun beneath the ill fitting sausage. That is so that you cannot see their burnt, greasy, sloppy nature (even though they were very tasty). I was surprised as I would have thought that you would want to disguise as much of the sausage as you could.

I am being harsh of course, it was not awful, it was quite acceptable, and I did not get heartburn or indigestion. Mind you I did have a stinking cold and could hardly taste anything either.

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